Are you an emotional porcupine?

Love is kind. 

And isn’t that the kind of love we all need and want, a kind love? (You see what I did there...cute, huh? My husband is rolling his eyes).

But on a serious note, we all need a kind, safe place to come home to at the end of our hectic, busy day.

Kindness is a profound building block of intimacy and connection in marriage. 

I mean, it sounds profoundly simple, right? 

Just be kind.

Yet, the simplicity of loving kindness can be hard to achieve in marriage. 

And, you might just take kindness for granted, until someone isn’t so kind. 

Think about it for a moment. If your spouse is unkind, it feels like you are being poked. And if we are being jabbed and poked with hurtful comments, we withdraw or retaliate, in kind.  

Who wants to be close to an emotional porcupine? 

Kind of NOT-SO-FUN to get jabbed all the time. Ouch!

We naturally pull away or attack when we feel hurt, and let’s face it, we are ALL rude at times to those we love the most. If we keep up the cycle of jab and withdraw, we will just grow further and further apart. 

And guess what? That’s what we hear a LOT of couples say, “We just grew apart.”

So let’s make sure we are growing together, by being intentionally kind. 

Love is shown truly by showing true kindness.

Kindness communicates compassion, care and concern for the one you love. Kindness creates a safe place to talk about your day and share your struggles allowing for deeper insight and understanding for you and your spouse.

Loving Kindness = safety and intimacy

Fearful Judgment = danger and hiding

The environment of kindness is a safe place to be seen and known.

Okay, but how can we all show kindness?

Here are a few ideas but remember, there are so many wonderful ways to show kindness- so feel free to be creative:

• Listen to your tone and how you say what you are saying. 

• Think through how YOU want to be talked to and treated in order to help you find better ways to share your needs through kind requests, rather than hurtful pokes.
• Communicate your feelings, rather than acting them out in angry or unkind ways.

Show true loving kindness to your true love and you will experience more love than your heart can hold.

So let’s all practice kindness today.

Pro tip: Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and think the best of your spouse, like you want others to do for you. When you are grumpy or rude, often you have a headache, you’re feeling stressed and tired, or you’ve had a really grueling day. Offer kindness as you seek to understand. Remind yourself of how much you love each other, and rather than saying, “What's WRONG with you?”, how about, “Hey babe, you seem tense. What’s wrong?” 

Simple change, big difference.

Be kind to one another and you will create a love like none other.

And you will find it is easier to GET CLOSE and cultivate passionate intimacy when both of you are not poking one another. It is painful to sleep with a porcupine. We can all work on NOT being an emotional porcupine.