And the WORST THING for your marriage is...

We are made for great love. 

So it makes good sense that it doesn’t feel so great when we feel disconnected.

We need and want deep connection because that’s how our brains are just wired. 

Chances are you may have felt disconnected at some point in the past year, especially with COVID-19 forcing us to shelter in place and maintain social distance from others.

It probably won’t surprise you that it is not good for humans to be alone. 

Research shows that when isolated and disconnected, humans have shorter life spans and report being unhappier than those in close, connected relationships.

If you still aren’t convinced and think it is good for humans to be alone, just watch Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away where he is stranded on a tropical deserted island. 

For those of you who have not seen the movie, the main character, Chuck Noland, is stranded on an island after a terrible plane crash that leaves him all alone. 

Being alone was so intolerable, he created a friend for himself out of a volleyball and named it Wilson. He even went so far as to draw a face on the ball so he would have “someone” or something to talk to on the deserted island. In the movie, he only lost hope when he lost Wilson, his perceived connection. 

In our vast world, we are often surrounded by others, but that doesn’t mean we necessarily feel connected to them. So, what do we do if we feel disconnected in a sea of people?

First, we have to understand and recognize how normal and human it is to feel lonely and overwhelmed when feeling disconnected because we need connection for our very survival.  

The worst thing we can do is to stay locked in cycles of disconnection.

When connection is lost, hope is lost.

Here are a few tips for when you are feeling disconnected, particularly from the one you love:

• Identify your emotional response to disconnection.

• Identify your pattern of behavior in response to disconnection.

• Communicate how you are feeling to your partner.
• Validate your feelings and need for connection and change ineffective patterns in response to disconnection.

That last one is the tricky part. Often when threatened by disconnection, we can react in not-so-effective ways toward our partner, creating further disconnection rather than bringing us closer together. 

Sometimes, just being honest and sharing that you feel disconnected is enough to create greater connection.

It requires a little vulnerability - something we don’t always find easy to do - and a lot of courage, but being honest and vulnerable is usually much more effective at creating greater connection than a lot of the other stuff we try. 

So, show up and share how you feel!

You will feel more connected with your spouse, and yourself, for that matter.

And that feels better than any substitute or trying to talk to a volleyball. 

WILSON!!!!!!!

Do you want some accountability and support to help you create deeper connection in your marriage? 

Sign-up for our Free 5-Day Connection Challenge

starting March 22, 2021! You can sign-up on the right side of this page.

See you there! 

Dr. Jeff Jennings and Jessica L. Jennings

You are made for great love,

make your marriage the greatest it can be.

Greatest Marriage Ever