Greatest Marriage Ever Blog

We are made for great love. 

So it makes good sense that it doesn’t feel so great when we feel disconnected.

We need and want deep connection because that’s how our brains are just wired. 

Chances are you may have felt disconnected at some point in the past year, especially with COVID-19 forcing us to shelter in place and maintain social distance from others.

It probably won’t surprise you that it is not good for humans to be alone. 

Research shows that when isolated and disconnected, humans have shorter life spans and report being unhappier than those in close, connected relationships.

If you still aren’t convinced and think it is good for humans to be alone, just watch Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away where he is stranded on a tropical deserted island. 

For those of you who have not seen the movie, the main character, Chuck Noland, is stranded on an island after a terrible plane crash that leaves him all alone. 

Being...

Anyone need a relationship check-up? 

We have heard a lot recently about vaccines, physical check-ups and staying well through mask-wearing, hand-washing, and social distancing. 

But what about the health of your relationship. Does it need a check-up?

You know...opening up to the state of things inside yourself and your marriage. 

Sound daunting?

Well, it DOES NOT have to be something we avoid (like a shot or the dentist)! 

So, how do we make it easier to check up and check in on the state of our marriage? 

How about just asking, “How are WE doing?”

Now that wasn’t so bad, right?

Well, this weekend, let’s have an emotional and relational check-up of “US”. We will call it the Love-Connection-Check or feel free to come up with your own name for it!

Life can get so busy, so quickly, it’s easy to loose connection. That’s why it’s important we check in with one another occasionally - to become aware and...

Love is kind. 

And isn’t that the kind of love we all need and want, a kind love? (You see what I did there...cute, huh? My husband is rolling his eyes).

But on a serious note, we all need a kind, safe place to come home to at the end of our hectic, busy day.

Kindness is a profound building block of intimacy and connection in marriage. 

I mean, it sounds profoundly simple, right? 

Just be kind.

Yet, the simplicity of loving kindness can be hard to achieve in marriage. 

And, you might just take kindness for granted, until someone isn’t so kind. 

Think about it for a moment. If your spouse is unkind, it feels like you are being poked. And if we are being jabbed and poked with hurtful comments, we withdraw or retaliate, in kind.  

Who wants to be close to an emotional porcupine? 

Kind of NOT-SO-FUN to get jabbed all the time. Ouch!

We naturally pull away or attack when we feel hurt, and let’s face it, we are ALL rude at times to...

Not to worry if are not the best at romance. 

Who is the best, really?

Not me. 

We get busy. 

We get distracted. 

We get focused on small, sometimes unimportant details in life. 

Who has time for romance with kids clamoring for your attention, meals to prepare, work to complete, and an endless list of house chores that just never seems to all get done. 

Well, we are about to give you a SIMPLE marriage-romance-hack.

READY FOR IT? 

Be thoughtful. 

That’s it? 

Really?

Think about it for a moment. 

When someone you love, is really thoughtful and does something meaningful, you get that AWWWWWW-how-sweet feeling! You know the fluttery, warm, butterfly feeling, like when you first met.

Don’t we all want the ROMANCE back again?

Here’s the deal. If you’ve been married for a while, it doesn’t take grand gestures anymore to make your spouse feel a little extra special. 

Life happens, adulting happens,...

Can we have it all in marriage?

We want adventure and security. We desire to be known and in the same breath, we long for the ongoing pursuit and mystery of getting to know more of one another day after day. We want to build a safe home but also feel the excitement exploring our limits by  challenging ourselves.

Well, good news is recent research shows we need both to find our fulfillment in life and relationships. Secure LOVE is foundational as it creates an environment of GROWTH, bringing an ever increasing strength and providing increased courage to transform in life and in your marriage.

Passion will be RENEWED by holding two things close together (that may not seem to go together) in your marriage relationship. 

Two. Simple. Things.

What are those two things? 

Well, you need both the security of your bond as a couple and the excitement of personal growth. Both security and growth will encourage the ongoing experience of intimacy and mutually respect...

It is a cold world, especially in the winter. BRRRRR! 

 On a cold winter’s night, there is nothing I love more than snuggling with my husband by a roaring fire. 

We survive the cold and the bleakness of winter with shelter, warmth, and each other!

But what do we do when we or our fellow humanity is suffering in isolation without support? Suffering alone gives us an emotional feeling of winter, bleak and cold.

We can help create places of warmth, support, and love in our community by letting others know they are not alone in times of need through service. 

Serving others embodies emotional warmth and is a reminder that we are not alone. Meeting the needs of others also meets the needs of those reaching out to help. In other words, making a fire of care and support will warm all who are willing to be present.

And there isn’t a better way to serve others than TOGETHER...as a couple! 

It shouldn’t surprise us but research shows serving others...

AND the #2 Thing Couples Fight About IS…

“Put your money where your mouth is.” Ever heard that quote before?

Well, don’t actually do that because, EESH, money is dirty, D-I-R-T-Y. But what the phrase means is, if you SAY you value a certain thing, SHOW IT by how you spend your wealth, your earnings, your money. 

Today, we are talking about money.

And, as you may have guessed, in marriage things can get REAL down and dirty, REALLY quick, when we are talking about money.

Research shows married couples fight about money. A LOT. 

In fact, money is the #2 thing couples fight about.

What is the #1 thing couples fight about, you ask? (Any guesses?) Okay, I’ll tell you. IT’S SEX. (Did you guess right?)

Well, back to money. Why do we fight so much about money?

Money symbolizes power and our very life. Think about it for a moment. You SPEND YOUR LIFE as a child in school preparing for a career, and then you spend the rest of your life...

It is a new year and a new opportunity to make your marriage the greatest it can be.

It seems like everyone sets intentions, goals or chooses a word for the New Year! What about your marriage?

We have the power to choose each and every day where we will place our focus, energy and time. With a bit of intentional goal setting and consistent effort, we can create increased connection, safety, growth and relationship satisfaction.

You and your spouse are unique and have already created a unique bond like no other. Small positive choices can transform your marriage into your greatest marriage ever! 

Okay, sounds great but won’t that take a lot of work? 

You might ask, 

“Don’t you have to make big changes to create your greatest marriage ever?”

The answer is no! 

Although it still takes work, small but consistent changes create big results. 

Recent research shows that focusing ON THE POSITIVE in life and relationships leads to increased...

We all need to be pursued in marriage.

We need to feel affirmed and loved through small acts of kindness, words of affirmation and of course, DATE NIGHT!

Unfortunately, traditional date night has been postponed for now, by COVID-19! But don't let that discourage you!

Let's get creative and with a little help of course, you can plan a creative stay at home date.

Ask the one you love on a date, put it on the calendar and spend quality time together.

Sounds great, right?

Turn off all devices and media as you offer your presence to one another! Look one another in the eye as you talk and take the time to slow down, snuggle close or play a game.

AND HERE IS A BONUS, you will experience a sense of peace and fulfillment in your actual body and brain, thanks to your mesolimbic dopamine system. 

So, when you give love through planning a date you get an emotional boost! Nice, huh?

Not sure what to do?

Here are some date ideas!

-make dinner together (make it special...

Anyone remember Tom Cruise singing, “You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling” in Top Gun? 

Ahhhhh yes, Top Gun is such an iconic 80’s movie. There is so much passion and love in the beginning of a relationship!

But as time goes by, well, let's be honest, you can lose that feeling. And maybe, like all of us, you want to FEEL THE LOVE in your marriage again!

Have you lost THAT LOVIN’ FEELING?

Want to get it back?

Research shows that WE ALL CAN create more loving feelings by doing more loving things. 

Spouses included? 

Yes, spouses too.

So how to you get there? 

GLAD YOU ASKED!

So here goes...

YOU DECIDE TO BE A GO-GIVER in your marriage.

The GO part means you do the initiating.

The GIVE part means you ask what the other wants and then follow through with acts of love.

Researchers have found multiple benefits of giving to others for our individual selves and our relationships.

For starters, when we give to others, it not only makes...